I love black thongs
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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