Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
