Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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