Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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