Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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