Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
