i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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