if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His nipple licking is glorious
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