just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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