Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
