Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
