apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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