Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
