his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
