i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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