Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize