I got chris browned last night
Fuck appropriateness.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
