i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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