my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can't special order awesome
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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