He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
