I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
