I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
