there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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