We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
