I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
