How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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