If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
