Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
