I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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