P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
