just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
