i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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