nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
