why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
