I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
