Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize