im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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