he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
