we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
