If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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