My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
