Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
