I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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