Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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