i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
