Can i not drive my cunt home
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
