i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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