if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
