she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
