We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
