im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
