you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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