I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
