sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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