It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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