I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
