Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
