I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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