he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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