He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
