The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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