I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
