...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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