Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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