i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i need an iv and a liver transplant
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
