kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
