how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
