which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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