i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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