thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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