Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
