I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
