Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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