It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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