You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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