Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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