Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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