thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
