at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
