so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
