ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
