Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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