We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
