Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
