I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize