i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
Just cropdusted the office
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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