I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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