i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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