You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize