We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
