she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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