is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
