the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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