im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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