To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
