I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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