well I can't set my house on fire every night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
