my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are the jesus of drinking
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who died my cat blue again?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
