The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
