Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
