Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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